We all dwell in a dark place at one time or another. A death in the family, the loss of our job, a life threatening disease, or serious financial difficulties all have the power to devastate us. We pass too quickly into a dark place. It is difficult to pull out, to think positive, and especially, to access any personal power. For those of us who were sexually abused as children, living in a dark place is an almost daily occurrence. We actually begin to accept that this is the only choice we have. It feels familiar. Having been victimized at a young age we seem to attract that role in every part of our life today. Not getting a raise isn’t our fault; it’s that new boss that just doesn’t like us. Having a mother-in-law who is unfriendly and unreceptive to overtures we give indicating we want to get along is just our darned luck. Every one we date turns out to be abusive. Why do we continue to attract unhealthy people? Sometimes it seems that life is just against us and there is nothing we are able to do to change it. We cry on everyone’s shoulder as a regular behavior pattern. We want a better life; we crave stability and lightness of heart. We feel as if we get up on the wrong side of the bed every day. We change jobs thinking that’s the problem, move to a new neighborhood. That must be the problem. We try seeing a therapist but they can’t seem to get a handle on the problem. They want to talk about what is currently wrong in our life. We want to talk about something shadowy in our past. They don’t do “past”. Once again we descend into a dark place. It feels like home, albeit an unhappy home.
Life doesn’t need to be this way. We have our own connection to personal power; we just aren’t aware of it. That dark place is where we go when we can’t face our life. I know because I used to go there on a daily basis. I craved sleep, thinking if I could just get a regular good night’s sleep everything would be better. But I had insomnia the biggest percent of the time. And when I did sleep I had terrible nightmares. I dreamt that something huge was coming over me, like a steamroller, and it was crushing me to death. I woke up screaming and shaking so bad that it took me hours to calm down and get back to sleep. I had those nightmares until my father died; I never connected the two. But I still had problems sleeping and went from one sleeping pill to another. Anti-depressants kept the darkest thoughts away. I too, complained, moaned, and cried about all my problems. Never once did I give thought to the realization that only I could change the circumstances of my life.
Today I can hardly remember what living in a dark place is like. .Today, I sleep deeply and peacefully most nights. It gives me the personal power to handle any difficulty that may come in to my life. But first, I had to go back in time and Repair the damage. It wasn’t easy. Many times I despaired thinking I didn’t have the strength to go through it. But whenever I thought about what my current life entailed and compared that to what I wanted it to be I somehow found the intestinal fortitude to forge on ahead. I’m very grateful I had the courage to do it. You can too. Just take the first step. Buy a copy of REPAIR Your Life and begin working the program. Then, one day, living in a dark place will be only a faint memory.
