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Many years ago I had a friend whose father was extremely abusive. I had just spent the weekend with her and was horrified at his behavior towards his daughter. I was living alone at the time and it would be many decades before I worked my way through recovery from my own child sexual abuse. Those memories were so deeply buried that when I look back on it now I\u2019m amazed at how long I failed to see the truth. I begged my friend to run away, to come and live with me. Having run away from home at the age of eighteen I considered myself somewhat an authority on the subject. She said she couldn\u2019t leave her mother; that at times she was a buffer between her mom and dad. I asked how she was able to survive what I thought was severe abuse. She said every time she felt despair she thought of words she\u2019d heard from someone many years earlier; I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet.<\/em> Her comment sobered me up.<\/p>\n I have thought of this bit of wisdom hundreds of times in the ensuing years. It seemed like a bolt of lightning designed to help people accept their lot. Part of me knew there was great truth in it. Another part of me refused to accept it as a possible occupant for the wisdom room in my mind where I was beginning to stockpile other philosophical gems to guide me on this journey called life. I also knew how easy it was to confuse cleverness with sagacity. Some lessons were more difficult to reason through than others.<\/p>\n To me it came down to common sense (which isn\u2019t really very common). Keen perception, discernment, foresight, good judgment and prudence were beginning to crowd out bits and pieces of words that had no place in my wisdom room. As a life-long Catholic \u2500 albeit a cafeteria Catholic \u2500 I had been trained early on to obey, not to reason. It was a deadly trap, one that set me up for many years of sorrow. Studying different world religions, and plowing my way through the Bible, the Bhagavad-Gita, Kahlil Gabran\u2019s The Prophet, A Modern Priest Looks at His Outdated Church by Father James Kavanaugh, the Lives of the Saints, The Desiderata and countless other guides to why we are here and how to live a good life was becoming confusing.\u00a0 I even studied Astrology for three years and used to erect astrology charts as a part time job. My brain became chocked full of everyone\u2019s opinion on what is right and just. Coming from a background of strict organized religion with all of its rules and regulations hampered my progress. I kept thinking despite being the pope\u2019s child somehow I\u2019d figure out what was wrong with \u00a0I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet.<\/em><\/p>\n It took many years for me to realize I had a brain of my own and despite it brimming with bits and pieces of what was the truth and what wasn\u2019t I didn\u2019t need anyone to tell me what the truth was. It was a difficult transition to make the passage through living my life as other people told me and making my own choices. I went back and read the hundreds of poems I had written since I was thirteen years old (the year my father began his incestuous raids) and there I found my own inner voices. The truth had always been inside of me waiting to be set free. But first I had to work my way through all the Catholic voodoo business, my parent\u2019s admonitions and falling into the same hole every time I took the same path. I had to give myself permission to make my own choices, to follow my own intuition and to sort out what was the truth and what was someone else\u2019s perception of it. In time I came to realize that, as the Desiderata says, If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.<\/em><\/p>\n Everyone\u2019s past, the good and the bad, are going to be seen through a filter. It has been said that there are three truths: the way we see ourselves, the way others see us and the way we really are. Our pain is our pain and should not be subjected to scrutiny that has no kindness. A sister-in-law of mine after finding out about my abuse from family gossip made the statement at a family gathering that, after all he only raped me the one time so what was the big deal. The only one I remembered before beginning my recovery was the first time. There were more, so deeply buried that as I moved forward on my bridge of recovery I felt as if I were a needle trying to dig out \u00a0painful thorns. It is too easy to fall in to the pit that weighs and measures one\u2019s own abuse against another\u2019s. My sister-in-law who dealt me such unkindness no doubt has issues of her own.<\/p>\n Never compare your abuse to another\u2019s. What we\u2019ve been through is the truth in our little world and deserves to be dealt with in its own time and space and not cluttered with another\u2019s truth.<\/p>\n \u201cTo thine own self be true\u201d by William Shakespeare is a prudent guide in our search for the truth.<\/p>\n I want to share with you a quote from Dr. Irene\u2019s Verbal Abuse Site. It can be found at:<\/p>\n To thine own self be true\u2026..how profound.\u00a0 How many of us have a hard time being true to ourselves?\u00a0 Those of us that gave our life to another at the cost of loosing who we are in the process will have a hard time being true to ourselves.\u00a0 Allowing someone else to define who we are, we lose our ability to discover and grow inwardly.\u00a0 We no longer are able to discern a truth from a lie.\u00a0 For many of us, we have accepted lies for so long, that finding out what is true takes time. Having done this very thing, I know how difficult the journey to self-discovery can be.<\/p>\n Truth\u2026.truth is a word that brings out such negative reactions to many of us. You see truth is really an action word.\u00a0 You cannot accept truth without change. Accepting truth about ourselves is difficult, especially to those of us who have been abused.\u00a0 But Truth is also love.\u00a0 The greatest act of love towards another is living a life that is truthful.\u00a0 For those of us who find it difficult to love ourselves, we will find it will come more easily when we walk in truth about who we are.\u00a0 If we walk in truth, we walk in perfect love, and if we walk in perfect love, then we do not walk in fear because perfect love cast out fear.\u00a0 Because we have been honest with ourselves, we are able to love ourselves with all of our imperfections, knowing that we are in \u201cprocess\u201d and therefore need not have others approval.\u00a0 This is freedom indeed.<\/p>\n The second part of this verse is a natural occurrence if we hold true to the first part of the verse.\u00a0 So, when in doubt as to our motives of not being truthful with someone\u2026.look inside, are we being less than truthful to ourselves?<\/p>\n \u201dThis above all: to thine ownself be true, Courtesy of LanThi and Dr. Irene Matiatos, Copyright\u00a9 2000<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n\n\n
\n
\n\u201cTo Thine Own Self Be True\u2026..\u201d<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>quote by LanThi ; article by Dr. Irene (February 2, 2000)<\/p>\n\n\n
\n \u201cTo thine own self be true\u2026..\u201d
\n<\/em><\/strong>
\nMost of us are familiar with the above quote taking from Shakespeare\u2019s Hamlet, but how many of us know this verse:\u00a0\u00a0\u201cAnd it must follow, as the night the day, Thou can not then be false to any man.<\/em><\/strong>\u201d\u00a0 Unless we can be true to ourselves first, we cannot be true to others.<\/p>\n
\ntruth does set one free if we will allow it to; it is a crucial part of healing.\u00a0 It gives us the freedom to be who we are.\u00a0 We are able to come to terms with our weakness (without condemnation) and appreciate our strength.\u00a0 Truth gives strength; it naturally builds healthy boundaries.\u00a0 Truth is open; it is honest even at the risk of being vulnerable again.\u00a0 Truth is light and brings forth life.\u00a0 When we walk in truth, we walk in light and when we walk in light we live a healthy life.<\/p>\n
\nAnd it must follow, as the night the day,
\nThou canst not then be false to any man.\u201d
\n<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 -Shakespeare-Hamlet<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n