Our world is filled with distractions, food, television, movies, books, talking to friends, travel, and with some not so healthy ones such as drugs, multiple sex partners, alcohol and violence. We\u2019ve been doing this since birth. Once we pop out of that womb they begin: mother\u2019s milk, baby food, hugs, voices speaking silly things to us. Isn\u2019t life grand, all these wonderful distractions?<\/p>\n
As long as all the distractions are healthy we can anticipate growing up to be a healthy adult with healthy choices in front of us and a lovely life hereafter (barring the inevitable death and taxes etc.). When you\u2019re in the reality of healthy living you are comfortable with alone times, with time to just sit and be instead of do.<\/p>\n
But when someone is abused they enter into a different level of existence. They need to cope with the pain and confusion as to why they are being abused. And so it begins. They sleep a lot. Believe it or not that is a distraction albeit it seems one almost in reverse. Someone sleeping 18 hours out of their day is trying to hide from some reality that is too difficult to cope with. A lot of victims find safety in obsessive talking, although they rarely hear themselves. That\u2019s not the point. The point is to stir up or divert themselves from being in present time, a time that over flows with abuse. The goal is to cloud reality in any way they can.<\/p>\n
I get distracted easily. My husband calls it the \u201clook it\u2019s a bunny\u201d syndrome. I will frequently be talking about something and in the middle of it see something \u2013 like a bunny \u2013 and so I switch the conversation. I frequently will do the \u201clook it\u2019s a bunny\u201d several times in the same conversation, something that makes my husband crazy. He can only think of one thing at a time. My brain functions best on several levels at the same time. I\u2019ve been that way since my abuse began. Because I have gone through recovery my distractions are healthy. I rarely drink, don\u2019t smoke, don\u2019t do drugs, and have only healthy behavior patterns. I read a lot, talk to friends and family a lot, worship at the idol of food (but because I hike\/jog every morning for 30 minutes can get away with the repercussion of it) love movies and am a compulsive obsessive house cleaner. I guess even recovery doesn\u2019t get rid of everything. Even an eccentric distraction can be either healthy or unhealthy.<\/p>\n
Someone in the middle of a domestic violence relationship would have a difficult time meditating or just sitting and enjoying being in the now. Being in the now would alert them to what they are going through. They don\u2019t want to see it. An alcoholic husband becomes \u201cdrinks a lot\u201d, thereby lessening the reality. When your abusive husband lies about why he was four hours late coming home you instantly kick into distraction, grab a cigarette, open a bottle of wine. That way you can buy his lies without confronting the reality.<\/p>\n
Check your distraction chart. List all of the ones you utilize on a daily basis. How many are healthy? How many mean you need to begin a recovery program. You won\u2019t buy it at first. You\u2019ve lived with abuse so long that you have a hard time with the concept of no abuse. It would feel alien. I know, I\u2019ve been there. But keep doing it. Write on a daily basis of what your day was like. Were there any distractions? Were they healthy or unhealthy?<\/p>\n
There are many paths to recovery. The Distraction Chart is one of them that may be the beginning of seeing reality and doing something about it.<\/p>\n
Good luck!<\/p>\n