No matter how much time you have spent in recovery, no matter how many books on recovery you\u2019ve read, no matter how many group therapy classes you attended, no matter how much money you spent on a therapist, there will always be in your future some down time. Life happens. You lose loved ones; you lose your job; your marriage falls apart, you have financial difficulties, you discover you have cancer. These are only a few of the catastrophes that may befall you unexpectedly. Are you prepared?<\/p>\n
I consider myself a fairly happy person. I have a wonderful and devoted family. My marriage is solid and stable. We live in a beautiful fifteen room, three story home just south of Sedona, AZ on five acres of land filled with dozens of pine trees, willow trees, a lilac bush, a rosemary garden, a flower garden, two desert gardens and a flower garden with 18 bushes surrounded by cane on one side and Pampas grass bushes on the other, all of it backing up to hundreds of acres of State Trust Land where I go hiking every morning. Our house is filled with thousands of books, hundreds of DVDs, a dozen musical instruments including a baby grand piano and a wide front porch that looks out at our prize tree an enormous fruitless mulberry, the most beautiful climbing tree I have ever seen. Next to it is a smaller version growing that will soon catch up with the big mamma of all trees. Tom says if anyone gets bored in our house there is no hope for them.<\/p>\n
My health is good, I have many hobbies, I have many friends albeit most of them live in different states. Aren\u2019t I the most fortunate of human beings? But I am periodically assaulted with depression, the kind that makes you apathetic and zombie like. Sometimes not getting enough sleep sets it off.\u00a0 In fact, most of the time a lack of sleep sets it off and keeps it going. I wake up out of sorts and groggy. I want nothing more than to stay in bed all day and sleep with the covers over my head and my little Shiatzu puppy laying beside me.<\/p>\n
But it is not to be. I must get up, take Rocky outside to have him make water, feed him, make coffee, take meds and then sit in a recliner with my puppy in my lap and try to say my prayers. I have many to pray for, many causes to list for the Mother of God to intercede, many things to thank God for and then I take Rocky for his 30 minute walk while I pray the rosary.<\/p>\n
By the time I return home I have usually managed to shake off my depression and go on with my day. But up until this morning I have had four days of not enough sleep and on those days even my routine of coffee, walking and talking to God did not shake off the heavy heart I was carrying around. I ticked off all the possible reasons for my depression: our friend Jim had died a few months earlier leaving us in charge of his estate. It\u2019s been a huge job with many frustrations, attorney problems, legal complications I had to find the best way to handle and now after months of struggle, both houses have been renovated and are on the market. The last twelve months have been difficult, five deaths of those we loved, some we may never heal from, and the constant grinding work of the estate. Our garage and side yard look like Sandford and Sons from bringing to our house all of Jim\u2019s things, things we don\u2019t need but are either unable to figure out how to get rid of or don\u2019t want to part with even if we don\u2019t need them. I have two households to do financial management on. Bills keep coming in that are Jims and must be addressed. I need to try to find more people to start Lamplighter Movement chapters; I need to work harder to market my many books, eighteen in number. I need to, I need to, I need to. I repeat those words over and over and then scold myself for stating such a useless command. Besides it\u2019s my mom talking not me and I know that. But the voice goes on.<\/p>\n
I watch Netflicks streaming hour after hour staring at the television like someone doped up. I eat foods my diabetic body is supposed to avoid, I try to sleep to no avail. My brain feels like it is frozen and I can\u2019t find the shut off button. I do Transcendental Meditation for 20 minutes which means I close my eyes and go through an endless litany of opening doors I should not open, then slamming them tight, holding my body tight saying repeatedly, don\u2019t go there, don\u2019t go there<\/em>.<\/p>\n I know the rules, the techniques:<\/p>\n After four days I finally get a good night\u2019s sleep. It\u2019s like night and day. It\u2019s like walking through a terrible blizzard into a room with a warm stove. My world is back to being right. I\u2019m back to being the happiest person I know. The estate is no longer a stone around my neck. It\u2019s a challenge.<\/p>\n Deep depression is such a difficult emotion to overcome. But it happens to everyone. I\u2019m convinced that the majority of people who commit suicide had been suffering with insomnia. Find a way to make sure you get a good night\u2019s sleep every night.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s a few suggestions. I know, I know, \u201cdoctor heal thyself!\u201d<\/p>\n Here\u2019s a poem from one of my collections that I wrote years ago:<\/p>\n Insomnia is a room<\/p>\n Where all my torments dwell.<\/p>\n They lie in wait to persecute<\/p>\n And make my life a hell.<\/p>\n At night they march in front of me,<\/p>\n While I sort them one by one.<\/p>\n They permeate my mental state<\/p>\n Then make me want to run,<\/p>\n And hide beneath a willow tree,<\/p>\n Where grass lies at my feet,<\/p>\n And ruminate on nothingness,<\/p>\n Until I fall asleep.<\/p>\n Good Luck!! Remember that before recovery depression is a chronic problem. Once you go through recovery it\u2019s a periodic annoyance that passes quickly. By then you have all the tools to deal with it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n\n
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