{"id":4930,"date":"2015-01-05T22:48:58","date_gmt":"2015-01-05T22:48:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelamplighters.org\/llblog01\/?p=4930"},"modified":"2015-01-05T22:52:19","modified_gmt":"2015-01-05T22:52:19","slug":"new-year","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thelamplighters.org\/llblog01\/new-year\/","title":{"rendered":"New Year"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here we are at a New Year and everyone\u2019s been trained to think all will be better this time. We can erase the old slate and start anew.\u00a0 I\u2019ll fix all my problems, I\u2019ll do all my resolutions (not just list them but actually work on them). This is the year my book will sell, I\u2019ll get that new job I want, I\u2019ll find the perfect mate, the imperfect mate I\u2019m married to is going to make major changes in his behavior and start treating me like I deserve etc.etc. etc. Who are we kidding? Time is a man-made invention. December 31 is only the day before January 1st<\/sup>. It\u2019s no different. For that matter, each day is only a 24 hour period, not a day; that\u2019s another man-made invention. The sun rises, the sun sets and as a wise philosopher wantabe said once, \u201cThe only thing certain is death and taxes.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Am I being cynical? You don\u2019t live as long as I have without becoming cynical. When I was 18 I was idealistic. I would find the perfect mate, have the perfect marriage, the perfect children and all my dreams would come to fruition. Then life hit me on the head. Another philosopher, this one a very talented one said, \u201cLife is what happens when you\u2019re busy making other plans.\u201d That actually is from John Lennon\u2019s song Beautiful Boy. Look what it got him.<\/p>\n

Every moment we have is precious. We are alive and that is a good thing. We all have our baggage, our faults, our tramped on dreams that never came to fulfillment, our sad memories we lock in to closets and our happy ones we pull out at holidays and other special events; sometimes we relive them just to give us a reason to go on living. We all have problems with our children; sometimes we think they love us, sometimes we think they despise us. We can never figure out did we do wrong? Did we do right? Are we not tired of wondering if we should feel guilty because of a painful confrontation with them? Or is it possible that all kids take their parents for granted and feel justified in being less than respectful over something minor. Secretly we know that one day their kids will do the same thing to them.<\/p>\n

When I was growing up my mom and dad had two champagne glasses that I\u2019ve never seen since. The champagne not only went into the bowl it went all the way down the stem. We five children would watch entranced as they toasted champagne at Midnight on New Year\u2019s Eve. No matter what dark and sinister happenings existed in our family, on holidays they were locked away and we all acted as if we were one big happy Catholic family. Every holiday had its special memories and at different times in my life I relive them with such intensity it is as if my imagination has the power to pull me back in time.<\/p>\n

Life is about living. Life is about learning. We move from one stage to another, some good, some not so. We learn things unconsciously and store them in a closet to be pulled out and used when we need them. We struggle; we implant different events that have special meaning into our mind to be drawn on again and again. We envy others who have what we thought we should have even as they envy us for things we have that they wanted.<\/p>\n

It took me a long time to realize that I was responsible for all that had happened to me. I had the right to make choices that were healthy and I made a lot that weren\u2019t. I could blame that on the sexual and physical violence that happened to me when I was in my teens, but that would be too easy. It was hard for me to learn that I had so many shortcomings, so many bad behavior patterns, that I was so far from being the good person I thought I was. I began the struggle of learning wisdom, struggling to be a better person.\u00a0 Before I entered recovery I wrote a poem called Turning Page. Some of the lines have brought me strength. I\u2019d like to share them here:<\/p>\n

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Victims get what they request<\/em><\/p>\n

When they entice their fate,<\/em><\/p>\n

And lessons learned,<\/em><\/p>\n

Are harsh and swift,<\/em><\/p>\n

And wisdom comes too late,<\/em><\/p>\n

For battle scars heal slowly,<\/em><\/p>\n

When you pick at them with rage,<\/em><\/p>\n

And never learn to soothe your soul,<\/em><\/p>\n

By simply turning page<\/em>.<\/em><\/p>\n

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So here we are getting ready to turn the page. Let\u2019s turn it to a great one, one where all the errors in judgment we made in 2014 will bring us wisdom, will teach us that in 2015 we will think before we act, we will remember all we learned in the looking back and all of our goals for the coming months will be healthy ones.<\/p>\n

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Good luck to you all and have a Happy 2015.<\/p>\n

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