Today was our local Lamplighter Meeting. We hold it at the Public Library once a month from 10:00 am to Noon. I\u2019ve been doing this for five years. When I first started out I had an interview with the local radio station regarding the meetings, an interview in the local paper, I mailed announcements to all of the local churches, doctors, the Guidance Clinic and all of the therapists and counselors. I send out reminder emails the first of the week to all those who I have email addresses on who have expressed an interest. I have brochures and flyers at the local Police Station. Announcements are in the local papers as to the time and location. I\u2019ve also said that anyone who needs a ride can contact me and I\u2019ll pick them up. I\u2019ve had to move the location several times. We had it at a conference room in the local Medical Center for a while, then at a local coffee shop for a while. We\u2019ve been at the library for a couple years now. I\u2019m hoping they\u2019ll allow us to stay. I\u2019ve had as many as ten attend and as few as one. Most of the time it\u2019s just me and a good book. Today no one came. I felt like crying.<\/p>\n
The reason I started the Lamplighter Movement in my area is because I heard that it was a hot bed of domestic violence and child sexual abuse. Everyone I spoke with gave me a knowing look and said, \u201cIf anyone needs a support group to go to our town does.\u201d When I was in recovery and I found a support group I was so grateful. It was called Alternatives to Domestic Violence and I was in my third domestic violence relationship. This abuser was the cruelest, most sadistic, most violent I had ever known. I was living in hell. The support group saved my life. It was heartwarming to find out that all of the women in that group had the same problems, the same background I did. I listened to everyone\u2019s stories and then told them they were all married to my husband. \u00a0I had previously joined another group. But the women in that group were angry at me and vented their feelings every time I joined them. I finally asked the moderator what was wrong. She had each woman tell me. It turned out since I was still married to my abuser and since I hadn\u2019t turned in the perpetrator who sexually abused my two oldest daughters they wanted to use me to throw their anger at. They needed an outlet for their feelings and I fit the bill. I tried to explain that my daughters had told me they would only share what happened to them if I gave my word I wouldn\u2019t turn him in. A few years later he died of cancer, alone and friendless, with only one of his four children even in touch with him. I confronted him six weeks before he died. He admitted it but blamed my daughters. They were four and five at the time.<\/p>\n
So here I am, a product to sell and no customers. Most of my 90 plus chapters are having the same problem. I rattle my brain trying to think of ways to get people to come. You can\u2019t force them. If they are not interested, they are not interested. I had one gal I picked up each time. This week she wasn\u2019t coming. She said she was quitting because it was \u201ctoo much\u201d. What to do, what to do. Most of my chapters are having the same problem. Are they not ready? There has been so much publicity what with Penn State and the Catholic Church that you would think people would be coming out in droves. What are the reasons? I\u2019ve heard all the reasons: I\u2019m not ready seems to be the biggest reason. Others are, \u201cI don\u2019t really need a support group, I\u2019ve learned to live with my abuse,\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t have a baby sitter\u201d, I don\u2019t like the location, the time, the day etc. etc. and a dozen others. Every month I tell myself I\u2019m going to just quit. It\u2019s too frustrating. But I know in my heart I won\u2019t do that. I have to be available if they need me. But I still feel like crying. If you know of any reasons why someone won\u2019t go to a support group if they have been sexually abused please email me. I need to understand and find ways to overcome people not showing up. If you know of any ways to get people to come please email me. I need the help.<\/p>\n