Marjorie McKinnon
WRITER PUBLIC SPEAKER TEACHER SURVIVOR
When I was in incest recovery, living in a women's shelter, married to my third abuser, suicidal, fumbling my way in the dark, I thought, 'If only I had a Lamplighter, someone who would show me the way'.
The dream of the Lamplighters was born.
Excerpt from my book
REPAIR Your Life: A Program for Recovery from Incest & Childhood Sexual Abuse
My program, REPAIR, is the result of several years of note-taking, journalizing, meditation, and piecing together parts of my own life, as well as conversations with other incest survivors across the country. As I worked my way through recovery, I kept notes in anticipation that someday what I was learning might help others. When I began this book, I re-read my own first-person account, Let Me Hurt You and Don't Cry Out, to re-walk the path I had taken. I never realized at the time how blessed I was, for that path, although rugged, was straight, and in retrospect provided me with invaluable help to create this program.
I met many incest survivors during my years of recovery, both locally and in traveling to other states. Every place I went, I talked about what I was going through. It proved to be a catharsis. Initially, people were shocked that I spoke of what had happened so openly and as if it were not my fault. My comment, "It wasn't," at first proved startling. Little by little, I noticed that others came forward with their stories. Sometimes they spoke in hushed whispers, giving furtive looks as if they might be punished. Other times, they spoke boldly, trying to escape from a prison. When I asked questions and responded with sympathy, they became more daring: now giving details, now talking of feelings, often sharing about others they knew who had also survived. I tracked coincidences, made notes on their needs and their pain, and asked questions about resources available in their areas and what it might take to make them whole again.
When I began the outline for the program, I knew that it cried out for a title that aptly described what needed to be done. Repair was the first word that came to my mind. It literally means to restore by replacing a part or putting together what is torn or broken; to restore to a sound or healthy state. What better word describes our goal in the case of childhood sexual abuse?
(For information on how to order your copy of REPAIR, please see the
"Tributes, Links, Order" page on this website.)
After writing REPAIR, knowing that survivors would need a support group, I decided to start The Lamplighters, a movement for incest recovery and recovery from child sexual abuse, sexual assault, rape and domestic violence, that emphasizes the importance of REPAIRing the damage done. Feeling that one voice would give more power to survivors,we hope one day to have Lamplighters all across the nation and around the world.
While I highly recommed it as a successful model to help you through recovery, it is not necessary to own the book REPAIR or be working the program to start a Lamplighter chapter of your own. This website is primarily to encourage the formation of Lamplighter chapters.
Children of an untreated victim of childhood sexual abuse stand a five times greater chance of being sexually abused themselves. Are you protecting your children by seeking help for yourself? Join the Lamplighters and see what a difference you can make.
Do you fit the profile of a victim of incest or child sexual abuse?
Check any of the following individual behavior patterns that fit you.
People-pleasing and rescuing
Insomnia
Excessive need to control
Obsessive, compulsive behavior patterns
Needy
Low self-esteem
Suicidal
Weak boundaries
Unhealthy choices in members of the opposite sex
Neurotic tendencies
Addictions: drugs, alcohol, sex, food, relationships
Eating disorders
Chronic illness
Manic-depressive behavior (emotional extemes of highs and lows)
Severe depression
Now it's time to take a look at the other common denominators of a child who has been sexually abused, the family system ones. This is the forest that your trees (the individual common denominators) grew under. Check which of the following family systems common denominators fit you.
Patriarchal (or matriarchal) family system
Obedient/co-dependent mother (father)
Religiously regimented household
Eldest daughter
Alcoholic (or other addiction) parent
Family history of sexual boundary violators
Are you starting to see the picture?
It's never too late to get into incest recovery or recovery from child sexual abuse, sexual assault, rape or domestic violence. Start with either joining a Lamplighters support group near you or starting your own. Be a part of the Lamplighter movement. The current chapters are shown as starbursts on the map above as well as on the "Start your own group" page. Email me at margie@thelamplighters.org for exact locations. If there is none near you, consider starting one. It's so easy, costs nothing and will change your life and the lives of other victims as well. See details on our web page titled "Start your own group."
Hooray!!!!
Children's recovery version of REPAIR now available for half price to make room for the publisher's edition in 2008.
See "Tributes, Links, Order" page for further information.
Keep your eye on this new section!!!!
Upoming Announcements on new ways to heal from child abuse!
Our Ann Arbor, MI chapter is starting up. They will have their Lamplighter Meetings on Thursday Nights from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm. at the Boardwalk Creative Center. For information please contact Keasha at keasha63@ charter.net.
Our Danville, Illinois chapter is starting their meetings on May 27th. They will be held at the Danville Public Library at 319 Vermilion on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday from 5:30pm to 7:30pm. For further information please email me at Margie@thelamplighters.org
An innovative way to tell your story
The website www.stopcsa.org/ has a new link for survivors and advocates to anonymously have virtual discussion groups. Click on "join our online community", which takes you to "Circles", click on "Prevent Child Abuse", then register as a member and begin discussions.
